Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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