margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
this is an emotional support booty call
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
