Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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