maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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