How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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