just survived the first fart of the relationship.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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