I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
