so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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