She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
