I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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