I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
