I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
