is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is my gift to your gina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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