My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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