sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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