Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
