i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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