I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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