Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had sex on a roof
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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