You can't motorboat a personality
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
