Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
