Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
