It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
