Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
