2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she woke up with a sticky ear
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
