My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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