Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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