So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
