pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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