i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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