Will you blow on my dice?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
