What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
