This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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