Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
