I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
