yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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