Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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