im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
