I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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