Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
