omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
