Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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