SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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