I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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