I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
