and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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