I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We left an ass print on the piano.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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