No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
