he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
