I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
