Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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