So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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