He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
