you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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