I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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