i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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