i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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