how can u be prego again
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
