is your mom at the bar?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
