Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
