Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
