Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize