You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
