loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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