my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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